Dear Daughters,
Time is moving so incredibly fast. You two tiny humans now have distinct personalities, opinions, and your own paths in front of you. As your mother, I want to do all of the things to protect you from heartache, failure and all of the pain that comes with living life's experiences.
Now, obviously we all need to make the mistakes in order to learn and grow through failure. I have no intention to attempt to remove any of the lived experiences that shape the two of you as you enter the world. I do, however, would like to impart the wisdom of my own mistakes as a form of guidance if you choose to take it.
As you both may remember, I have dealt with assorted chronic health issues throughout my adult life. Through this experience I have learned to reprioritize everything.
At age 28 my health decline had really ramped up. For weeks, my entire left side of my body wouldn't function properly. My left leg couldnt hold any weight. My left arm was tingly and nearly numb. All without warning, and no apparent reason as to what the cause could be. It was my real first time that I had faced my own mortality.
This was at a time where I had begun a serious relationship with your father. I was concerned if I would make a decent long term partner, or would I fade into becoming a liability dragging him down. I wasn't sure if I could even think about parenting a child as I couldn't determine if I would have the physical capacity to do so.
Time passed and my diagnosis trickled in over time. Ehlers Danlos, POTS and Nutcracker syndrome. Over the years I became an expert in myself. I studied Nutrition to no end, as food needed to become my medicine. These conditions are rare and new and simply do not have any standard medical treatments to resolve.
When I pushed for exploring a surgical based solution for my Nutcracker syndrome, I was posed with a very tough question. This condition is a vascular compression of your renal vein, impeding your circulation to your kidney as well as congesting the entire pelvic vasucular region. While a cause of many intrusive sypmptoms, it is not a life threatening condition. When meeting with my surgeon's peer she grilled me on if I should really elect to have such a rare, invasive surgery. She gave me all of the endless reasons to opt out, as she said the only thing they could improve was my 'Quality of Life.'
It was such an odd discussion that completely destroyed me. As a mother of two young children, should I put my life at risk for an operation for a condition that was 'only' chronic, with no impacts to life expectancy. Was my quality of life worth the risk?
I called my Dad, your Grandfather, sobbing my eyes out. After he talked me off the ledge, he knew that my philosophy for life is to be proactive, not reactive. He reinstilled that I had a lot of life left to live, and that I have a lot of support available to get there. He validated that my quality of life has value.
I did go ahead with this surgery. I did have a village supporting me. And, let me tell you - it was worth the risks. I am only three months out today, and my energy has gone up 200%. I have been able to dance more, play more and be more present with the both of you. Even more importantly, however, I have gained confidence in prioritizing my own quality of life in many aspects of my day to day adventures.
So as I walk you through the many lessons I have learned through the year, I want you both to really apply all decisions you make on how they are contributing to your own Quality of Life.
XOXO
Mom
As I walk you through all of the ways I have fai
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